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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Guest Post: One Family's Experience with Bullying


Dear Board of Education,
 
I am writing to provide my comments on your draft policy, JHF, Bullying, Harassment, or Intimidation.
 
I am making recommendations to you that are grounded in my own family's experience.
 
My son was bullied extensively at Kemp Mill Elementary School. He did not tell me about it. The school administration and higher ups in MCPS were aware of the unhealthy environment in the school and did not inform me. After I learned of how my son was being bullied, our pediatrician recommended that I take him out of that environment. I requested transfer on that basis, and it was denied. Following that denial, my son lost hope, became suicidal, and was subsequently hospitalized. With the resulting expenses for psychiatry, psychology, therapy; educational testing, educational consultant, and lawyer to get an appropriate emotionally therapuetic placement for my now severely emotionally disturbed son, I had personal expenses of well over $20,000 which forced me to declare personal bankruptcy. Throughout our ordeal, my family's situation was made far worse because I had not been informed by the school of acts and situations that they were aware of. As I talked to other parents, staff, and as my son began to respond to therapy and told me of things that had been done to him at school, I informed MCPS staff, expecting that once they understood, they would take action to investigate the school and correct the abuses. However, over the course of this "discovery" time, I learned that MCPS staff were well aware of the other cases in the same school, where more than one student was being extremely bullied, by some of the same bullies (and other children who became bullies to avoid being bullied), and other students who had also became suicidal and were also hopsitalized in psychiatric institutions -- and MCPS took no action to protect my child or the other children who suffered and were at risk.
 
Therefore, in my view, your policy as it currently stands is severely flawed because it expects that your staff will behave ethically and responsibly. In my personal experience, they will not do so.
 
* You must therefore have in place a system of checks and balances that ensure that strict oversight is provided - above the level of the principal.
 
* The bullying forms should not be reported to the principal, but to an independent oversight office, which has full power to report, investigate, and act for the safety of the children, even if it makes the school or the system "look bad".
 
* Reports should be required from the school counsellor and special education staff and teaching staff that bypass the principal (their boss) and go directly to an independent oversight office. If the staff are not sure if the incident is bullying, they should be required to report it. Even seemingly small incidents, when multiplied and repeated can be severely damaging.

* Every physical assault (including strangling attempts and sexual abuse) should be required to be reported to the police by school staff. These cannot continue to be swept under the rug, the consequences to our children are too severe.

*All of the above-recommended reporting needs to be fully transparent - especially to the parents of the victims - but also to the broader community. The parents need to be informed of every instance when their child is harmed physically or emotionally. We are not in the school and we do not see what is happening. Bullied children typically do not talk about being bullied, as they are deeply scared and ashamed. The school must inform the parents. This is more likely to happen if the reports are in the hands of an independent oversight office.

*Similarly the community must be informed. The current "school safety at a glance" pages do not give an accurate view of the actual safety in a school. Parents need to understand that just because a school looks "nice" and "safe" that it does not mean that their children will be safe.

* In addition to the staff development indicated in the draft policy, all staff need to be trained to recognize severe emotional reactions, and how to handle the children when such occur. It is totally wrong to punish the victims who are breaking down. I had been informed that my son was having "tantrums" at school. He was not having tantrums, he was breaking down emotionally. Either the staff did not understand the difference, or they purposely withheld information from me. Train the staff properly so that there is no question, and inform the parents immediately.

* When a child does report that he is being bullied, do not mock or ridicule him or blame the parents. Help him.

* When a parent requests transfer because their child is bullied, take it seriously. It is not a time to think about your transfer statistics. Again, take this out of the principal's hands. Keep statistics on transfer denials. If you see that a school has a large number of transfer requests and a large number of transfer denials, investigate. This is part of checks and balances. Do not leave the fox watching the henhouse.

In summary, MCPS needs to put less power in the hands of the principal, require greater transparency, require better education of the staff (so they understand the emotional responses and recognize the seriousness of it), immediately inform parents of the victimized children, and immediately take steps to protect the victims including removing them from the bullying environment.
 
I am not sure that MCPS is capable of providing oversight of itself. The oversight may need to come from the State level.
 
Best Regards,
Patricia Seabolt

8 comments:

  1. Patricia,
    Your story is heartbreaking but not surprising. In MCPS the principal is God. If you complain you will be referred back to him to work it out. There is no system of checks and balances or an independent office as you put it to provide any oversight. I know because at Westbrook Elementary we used to have a principal who was above it all and I had the Safety report shown at me by MCPS to prove that the school was nice and safe. And even if policies or regulations change, so what. I was told by that same principal that he is not obligated to enforce MCPS regulations if not enough people complain. What was also unique in my school was that the PTA for some time acted as co-conspirators with the principal.
    We are lucky because we now have a new principal who seems very fine and the Maryland PTA has committed to ensure that such behavior by the PTA will never happen again (although I am still not sure what checks and balances the MD PTA is planning to put in place to ensure that).
    All the best to you and your son and keep strong.
    D. Wilson

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  2. MCPS MO- make the data look good regardless of what is actually happening.

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  3. Please note that i wrote this to the BOE in January 2010 when they were seeking comments on their draft bullying policy. None of my comments were taken into account in their final policy.

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  4. my name is lauren my daughter has been bullied at flower hill elementary located in gaithersburg md for the last two years before the school year began i tried to transfer all of my children out of the school twice, both request were denied. this year things just took a turn for the worst and i have tried everything from meeting to the board of education all of them excuse my french wipe each others asses. I have had to pull my kids out of school twice this year due to the lack of concern that this principle shows for them, my kids have been out of school for three weeks and i have been banned from the school due to false allegations the board tried to make my daughter out to be the problem child little did they know in the last meeting i recorded it all they wanted me to just transfer her he said if i do that then the cosa would be granted if i dont the kids stay at a school where they don't feel safe long story short my cosa was denied they even had documentation from my childrens therapist this has been tough and they expect me to send my children to school and i can't even go on to the property due to their made up propaganda leaving my babies in the care of people who could careless what happens to them and threatening me with truancy im stuck and i dont know what to do next any ideas?

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  5. My name is Jenny Glick, I am a reporter/anchor with WNEW, the new all news CBS radio station in DC. I am doing a story --specifically focusing on mean kids in elementary school
    If you and your child are interested in being interviewed for the story, please contact me at 301-902-1380, or email me at jglick@wnew.com.
    Thanks!
    Jenny

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    Replies
    1. Jenny,

      That's one issue. But it would be great if one day you could focus on administrators who take students into closets. Bullying by students is one thing, bullying by administrators is another.

      Delete
  6. Hi, I am a mother of an incoming 9th grade. She did not make it to her first choice of school, Blake Highschool instead she is assigned to SpringBrook Highschool. Her base school is Paint Branch High school, she didn’t list it for her first for the reason of no school bus taking her and we live about 8 blocks away and would be really hard to walk too eapecially in the winter when 630am walk still dark!

    In regards with the SpringBrook high school, she is scared to go because of some bully kids. I am totally heart broken, when we received the first, second and third letter (yes, we did file an appeal letter for a transfer 3 times and all were denied).

    My teenager is always been cheerful and active girl, and since the first denial letter she changed. Spend a lot of time in her room, moody and get hot tempered quickly. Time to time, hear her crying in her room and when asked she will simply say “i am scared to go to that highschool.”

    I am hurting seeing my daughter like this, I don’t understand why a simple transfer of school can’t be granted. For the reason they are saying “there is no record of this kids (my daughter, provided kids name that bullies her) they made trouble! How many kids, actually reported a bullying incident? 0-none!

    please advice me Ms. Patricia.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You got a winner! After dealing with the MCPS hypocrisy and their cast of characters, who pretend to be educators and counselors, I ended up homeschooling my daughter and I don't regret it.

      Delete

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