Guest Post: One Family's Experience with Bullying

Dear Board of Education,

 

I am writing to provide my comments on your draft policy, JHF, Bullying, Harassment, or Intimidation.

 

I am making recommendations to you that are grounded in my own family's experience.

 

My son was bullied extensively at Kemp Mill Elementary School. He did not tell me about it. The school administration and higher ups in MCPS were aware of the unhealthy environment in the school and did not inform me. After I learned of how my son was being bullied, our pediatrician recommended that I take him out of that environment. I requested transfer on that basis, and it was denied. Following that denial, my son lost hope, became suicidal, and was subsequently hospitalized. With the resulting expenses for psychiatry, psychology, therapy; educational testing, educational consultant, and lawyer to get an appropriate emotionally therapuetic placement for my now severely emotionally disturbed son, I had personal expenses of well over $20,000 which forced me to declare personal bankruptcy. Throughout our ordeal, my family's situation was made far worse because I had not been informed by the school of acts and situations that they were aware of. As I talked to other parents, staff, and as my son began to respond to therapy and told me of things that had been done to him at school, I informed MCPS staff, expecting that once they understood, they would take action to investigate the school and correct the abuses. However, over the course of this "discovery" time, I learned that MCPS staff were well aware of the other cases in the same school, where more than one student was being extremely bullied, by some of the same bullies (and other children who became bullies to avoid being bullied), and other students who had also became suicidal and were also hopsitalized in psychiatric institutions -- and MCPS took no action to protect my child or the other children who suffered and were at risk.

 

Therefore, in my view, your policy as it currently stands is severely flawed because it expects that your staff will behave ethically and responsibly. In my personal experience, they will not do so.

 

* You must therefore have in place a system of checks and balances that ensure that strict oversight is provided - above the level of the principal.

 

* The bullying forms should not be reported to the principal, but to an independent oversight office, which has full power to report, investigate, and act for the safety of the children, even if it makes the school or the system "look bad".

 

* Reports should be required from the school counsellor and special education staff and teaching staff that bypass the principal (their boss) and go directly to an independent oversight office. If the staff are not sure if the incident is bullying, they should be required to report it. Even seemingly small incidents, when multiplied and repeated can be severely damaging.

* Every physical assault (including strangling attempts and sexual abuse) should be required to be reported to the police by school staff. These cannot continue to be swept under the rug, the consequences to our children are too severe.

*All of the above-recommended reporting needs to be fully transparent - especially to the parents of the victims - but also to the broader community. The parents need to be informed of every instance when their child is harmed physically or emotionally. We are not in the school and we do not see what is happening. Bullied children typically do not talk about being bullied, as they are deeply scared and ashamed. The school must inform the parents. This is more likely to happen if the reports are in the hands of an independent oversight office.

*Similarly the community must be informed. The current "school safety at a glance" pages do not give an accurate view of the actual safety in a school. Parents need to understand that just because a school looks "nice" and "safe" that it does not mean that their children will be safe.

* In addition to the staff development indicated in the draft policy, all staff need to be trained to recognize severe emotional reactions, and how to handle the children when such occur. It is totally wrong to punish the victims who are breaking down. I had been informed that my son was having "tantrums" at school. He was not having tantrums, he was breaking down emotionally. Either the staff did not understand the difference, or they purposely withheld information from me. Train the staff properly so that there is no question, and inform the parents immediately.

* When a child does report that he is being bullied, do not mock or ridicule him or blame the parents. Help him.

* When a parent requests transfer because their child is bullied, take it seriously. It is not a time to think about your transfer statistics. Again, take this out of the principal's hands. Keep statistics on transfer denials. If you see that a school has a large number of transfer requests and a large number of transfer denials, investigate. This is part of checks and balances. Do not leave the fox watching the henhouse.

In summary, MCPS needs to put less power in the hands of the principal, require greater transparency, require better education of the staff (so they understand the emotional responses and recognize the seriousness of it), immediately inform parents of the victimized children, and immediately take steps to protect the victims including removing them from the bullying environment.

 

I am not sure that MCPS is capable of providing oversight of itself. The oversight may need to come from the State level.

 

Best Regards,
Patricia Seabolt